I've never before seen the need to divide a book review into 2 parts. I guess that's because I've never reviewed a book that had enough important points that it needed 2 posts.
This book is amazing. I mean that. I've read books by Dale Carnegie, Mitch Albom, Randy Pausch, Dave Crenshaw, The Arbinger Institute, etc...
I've read therapy books, business books, self-help books, time management books. I've read books on communication, strengthening marriages, influencing others, making friends, etc. etc. etc...
I've don't know if I've ever read one that was as good as just the first half of this book - let alone the whole thing.
Covey easily could have made this into 2 books. The first half is better than an entire series of other self help books. It teaches you how to be effective as an individual.
What do I do when I read most books - I write down my favorite quotes - make a blog post, make a facebook post, and move on.
I am halfway through the book. I have actually done what the author asked. I have written down and explored my values. I have written my own eulogy as I hope it will be - if I live my life the way I want to.
I have written my personal mission statement (which will continue to be revised).
I have encouraged my employer and co-workers to develop a mission statement together for our workplace.
I have been moved to action. That's proof enough to me that this book can make a difference.
It doesn't focus on techniques. Sure it tells you things you can do to change and ways to get better; but the point is not the specific action or technique - it's the underlying value or principle. Covey works very VERY hard to help you figure out what you really care about. What are the underlying principles that guide your life? What do you hope to have accomplished when you die? What makes you effective as a person, rather than successful in one facet of life?
We seem to have gotten away from that - growing as people. He talks about the sad transformation that has happened in American business. We've gone from learning how to build true rapport and make the best of ourselves and others - to learning how to manipulate others. We've learned how to schedule every minute of every day to get everything done on our checklist - without ever knowing what was truly important in the long run, and without leaving room for spontaneity. We've been taught to just - have a positive attitude.
Being positive is not a bad thing - but it is a result, not an action or a technique to achieve success.
He teaches us that we can't treat people like things. Our employees are likely not living up to their potential, they're living up to ours. We are the problem, and as we change, they will be more apt to change themselves. If we want employees to better understand our goals and vision - then we need to understand them.
"Few needs of the human heart are greater than the need to be understood" - p. 10
"The real beginning of influence comes as others sense you are being influenced by them - when they feel understood by you." - p. 10
Ralph Waldo Emerson - "What you are shouts so loudly in my ears that I cannot hear what you say." - p. 22
To try to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and behaviors flow. - p. 28
Covey spends a good portion of the book talking about perspective. We see things differently depending on how we've been conditioned in the past.
Here's his example:
He was teaching a class - one half was shown one picture for ten seconds the other half a different picture.
Then both sides of the class were asked to describe the woman in the drawing below.
Is she old or young? Petite nose or big nose?
The two halves of the class argued on each question because they completely disagreed.
Well - they had been conditioned, in 10 seconds no less.
One half of the class had first seen the drawing on the left, the other half - the right. Then both were shown the combination picture - and the arguing began.
So what do think happened when we've been conditioned our entire lives to see things on e way, and someone else has had a completely different life, and sees things a completely different way.
We can look at the exact same thing - and describe it in completely opposing ways.
"The way we see the problem is the problem." -p. 40
Einstein - "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." - p. 42
Every significant breakthrough in the field of scientific endeavor is first a break with tradition, with old ways of thinking, with old paradigms. - p. 29
Successful people did not become that way by chance. They had a very purposeful personal development, and it has taken time and hard work.
Aristotle - "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - p. 46
Marilyn Ferguson - "No one can persuade another to change. each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, wither by argument or by emotional appeal." - p. 60
Thomas Paine - "That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only which gives everything its value. heaven knows how to put a proper price on its goods." - p. 62
Here are the first 3 habits with my favorite quotes from each. Explaining the habits would take to long for this post (it's long enough already). Read them - then read the book.
HABIT 1: Be Proactive
"Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions." - p. 71
"The ability to subordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of the proactive person." - p. 72
Ghandi - "They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them." - p. 72
"Proactive people aren't pushy. They're smart, they're value driven, they read reality, and they know what's needed." - p. 88
"Don't get into the blaming, accusing mode. Work on things you have control over. Work on you." - p. 93
HABIT 2: Begin with the End in Mind
Oliver Wendell Holmes - "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within is." - p. 98
"It's incredibly easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of life... working harder and harder climbing the ladder of success, only to discover it's leaning against the wrong wall." - p. 98
"Don't get caught up in the 'thick of thin things'." - p. 105
Rolfe Kerr - "Hustle while you wait." - p. 106
Victor Frankl - "We detect rather than invent our missions in life." - p. 128
HABIT 3: Put First Things First
"Integrity is the value we place on ourselves. It's our ability to make and keep commitments to ourselves, to 'walk our talk.' It's honor with self."- p. 148
"The enemy of the 'best' is often the 'good'." p. 157
"You simply can't think efficiency with people. You think effectiveness with people and efficiency with things." - p. 169-170
