What do you do when you are told something about your child that scares
you?
What do you do when you start to suspect they are doing something against
your rules, against the law, or they are doing something dangerous like cutting
or they may be suicidal?
How do you bring it up?
I get these kind of questions most every week through texts, facebook
messages, and phone calls. Parents find something terrifying, and they don’t
know how to even start the conversation, let alone what to say.
A friend texted me one morning terrified.
“We just discovered a trash can full of spit-out medication. We’ve been watching our daughter so carefully
since her suicide attempt, I thought she was taking her meds daily, but she’s
tricked us. I don’t even know what to
say or how to approach her.”
My advice: Make the problem your own. Show them the pickle you’re
in. I have had thousands of “awkward
topic” conversations. In fact it is
exactly what I am paid and trained to do over and over and over again each
day. The best way I have found to
discuss difficult topics is to tell the other person your own dilemma. “Son, I
don’t know what to do or think, and I don’t want to make things worse, but I am
freaking out inside because I care about you.
I can’t stop caring about you, and I’m lost as to how to help.”
In my friend’s case, that’s saying something like – “In my parent mind
the medication helped. Six months ago I thought I was going to lose you to
suicide, now for two months you’ve looked happy, so my own mind thinks the
medications are saving your life. But
now, while you are looking good, I find your meds spit-out in the trash. I don’t know what to think or do.
I don’t know if I should be happy because you are doing awesome without
meds, or ask you to take them, or if I take you to the doctor, or if I ignore
the spit out pills and just act like it didn’t happen? It’s not the pills I
care about, it’s you. I have to know you’re okay, or if you’re not, that I can
help you without doing something you hate.
What should I do?”
CONVERSATION KEY: You make the dilemma your own. Ask the person you are worried about to help you.
