Book Review: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Part 2

3 months later I'm finally finishing my review of this book.  (Part 1 reviewed here)

I appreciate the fact that the author is humble.  He states again and again that he did not discover anything new, or invent the principles found in the book.  As Covey says:

"I did not invent the seven habits, they are universal principles and most of what I wrote about is just common sense. I am embarrassed when people talk about the Covey Habits, and dislike the idea of being some sort of guru."
"I have found the principles contained in the seven habits in all six major world religions and have actually drawn upon quotations from sacred writings of those religions when teaching in those cultures."

He recognizes that life or business based on tactics or behaviors is not enough.  Even basing life on values is not enough - unless those values are based on universal principles.  I wrote a blog post recently stemming from his ideas: Three Degrees of Happiness.

I loved the second half of his book because it is about moving from "independence to interdependence."

Covey makes a big deal of the shift in paradigm: Dependence - Independence - Interdependence.

It made me think about political parties (since the presidential election just happened).

I thought: Stereotypically the Republican party proclaims itself to be the party of "Independence."  You do everything on your own; you pull yourself up by your bootstraps.  The government should be small and stay out of the way.

The trouble came when I tried to characterize the Democratic Party.  Is it the party of "Dependence?" They say we are all dependant on others and should be obligated to help each other.  The government should follow that same mandate.
OR
Is it the party of "Interdependence?"  The people can exist on their own, they don't "need" others but they recognize that much more can be done with others than on your own.  They see that humans are synergistic and the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

I don't know the answer.  I think both parties have great interdependent people, good independent people, and needy dependent people.

ANYWAY - that's what the book makes you do.  It makes you think, evaluate, reconsider, see things in a new light, and try to see how to make things better all around you.  It makes you work on yourself, and then expand your influence to help all those around you.

I read this book every few years to help me do a "course correction."  I recommend it for everyone.


Favorite Quotes:

You can't be successful with other people if you haven't paid the price of success with yourself. - p. 185

You can't talk your way out of problems you behave yourself into. - p. 186

Make what is important to the other person as important to you as the other person is to you. - p. 191

Integrity includes but goes beyond honesty .  Honesty is telling the truth - in other words, conforming our words to reality. Integrity is conforming reality to our words - in other words, keeping promises and fulfilling expectations. - p. 195

Be loyal to those who are not present. - p. 196

The key to the ninety-nine is the one... It's how you treat the one that reveals how you regard the ninety-nine - p. 197

If you're going to bow, bow low. - p. 198

Dag Hammarskjold - "It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses."- p. 201

Habit 4:  Think Win/Win

People are not graded against their potential, or against the full use of their present capacity.  They are graded in relation to other people. - p. 208

"Who's winning in your marriage?" is a ridiculous question.  If both people aren't winning, both are losing. - p. 209

Emotional Maturity: The ability to express one's own feelings and convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others. - p. 217

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

You listen with reflective skills, but you listen with intent to reply, to control, to manipulate. - p. 240

Satisfied needs do not motivate - p. 241

The human dynamic is more important than the technical dimensions of the deal. - p. 242

You can play twenty questions all day and never find out what's important to someone.  Constant probing is one of the main reasons parents do not get close to their children. - p. 245

Our perceptions can be vastly different.  And yet we have both lived with our paradigms for years, thinking they are 'facts,' and questioning the character or the mental capacity of anyone who can't 'see the facts.' - p. 254

Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration - p. 255

Habit 6: Synergize

We seek not to imitate the Masters, rather we seek what they sought. - p. 269

How much time is spent in confessing other people's sins, politicking, rivalry, interpersonal conflict, protecting ones backside, masterminding, and second guessing? - p. 274

All people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.  If I think I see the world as it is, why would I want to value anyone with a different opinion?  Why would I even want to bother with someone who's "off track?"  My paradigm is that I am objective; I see the world as it is.  Everyone else is buried by the minutia, but I see the larger picture.  That's why they call me a supervisor - I have super vision. - p. 277

If two people have the same opinion, one is unnecessary... I don't want to talk, to communicate with someone who agrees with me; I want to communicate with you because you see it differently.  I value that difference. - p. 278

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

It makes no difference whether you are a mailman, a hairdresser, an insurance salesman, a housewife - whatever.  As long as you feel you are serving others, you do the job well.  When you are concerned only with helping yourself, you do it less well - a law as inexorable as gravity. - p. 293

Martin Luther - "I have so much to do today, I'll need to spend another hour on my knees." - p. 294

David O. McKay - The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul." - p. 294

Proactive people can figure out many, many ways to educate themselves. - p. 295

The person who doesn't read is no better off than the person who can't read. - p. 296

I do not agree with the popular success literature that says that self-esteem is primarily a matter of mind set, of attitude - that you can psych yourself into peace of mind.  Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true principles and values and in no other way. - p. 298

GOETHE - Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is.  Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be. - p. 301

True Financial Independence: It's not having wealth, it's having the power to produce wealth.  It's intrinsic. - p. 304

Anwar Sadat - He who cannot change the very fabric of his thought will never be able to change reality, and will never, therefore, make any progress - p. 317

Three Degrees of Happiness

How many books and articles have been written about "happiness?"

The very declaration of our nation's independence says that our Creator endowed us with "certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Many people view happiness as the goal and purpose of life.  In my work I see hundreds of patients who are seeking it.  Some through family, others through friends, and others in a joint or bottle.  Some think a pill will grant it, others are certain that money is the key.

Personally, I have found three degrees of happiness.  There are three types, three sources, three keys to happiness.  They are pleasure, inner-peace, and eternal joy.

1. Pleasure: That which gives us momentary enjoyment.  

Pleasure can be both good and bad.  One can find pleasure in listening to a favorite song, eating a piece of chocolate, hearing a funny joke, or helping a friend.  It can be found in seeing someone "get what they deserve," or in a forbidden pleasure, in skipping school or breaking the rules or laws.  It can be found in alcohol, cocaine, heroin, LSD, marijuana, caffeine, or pure vanilla ice cream.  

Pleasure doesn't differentiate between right and wrong, short term or long term consequences. Pleasure is now. 

2. Inner Peace: Living according to our values.

Everyone has their own values, their own ideals.  Everyone has a vision of what they should be, how they should be different, what actions they should or shouldn't be doing.  These values may come from parents, friends, society, religion, or many other sources.  Many values include Family, Friendship, Work, Education, Recreation, Spirituality, Community, Health, the Environment, the Arts, etc...

Inner Peace comes from living according to your ideals.  It comes from having less regret and more fulfillments.  When your mind no longer argues between what you ARE doing and what you SHOULD be doing, that is inner peace. 

Most self help books are about these first two degrees of happiness.  They encourage pleasure as long as the means are in-line with your values.  They help people reach inner peace by eliminating internal conflict.

The problem is that not all values are good.  Criminal Gangs have values.  They may value gang loyalty to such a high degree that one would steal, kill, and serve time in prison to have the inner peace of being loyal and true to their word.  Many people can reach inner peace and still be a terror to society, to their families, their communities.  
Most any religion has its extremists: they are at complete inner peace as they engage in Crusades, terrorist bombings, lynchings, etc...

Inner peace is not the end goal.

3. Eternal Joy:  Living according to universal principles.

When our values match universal principles, then we can find true happiness; the joy that lasts and is independent of circumstance.

Principles are not practices and they are not specific to one religion or society.  They are universal. Everyone knows them and values them, though they interpret them differently 

Examples include: Fairness, Integrity, Honesty, Human Dignity, Service, Quality, Potential, and Patience.

I often think of the question: "Do I have happy moments, or a happy life?"

Happy moments are easy to come by, but they don't last.  In fact the more we do the same thing seeking the same level of pleasure, the more we'll be disappointed.  Whether it be thrills, or food, or drugs, or a new relationship - That momentary pleasure is usually best the first time.  Unless it also leads to inner peace or eternal joy, it will fade and we will move on to something else.

We can have inner peace and still have a miserable life, we simply won't care.  With inner peace we believe we are right and we will continue to think so because we are living by our values.  Other people's lives, opinions, or judgments don't matter because we have inner peace.  Many people consider this the ultimate goal. -It is the first step only.

Once we discover eternal and universal principles, then we can align our values with those principles. We can make goals according to those principles.  It won't always matter if we reach every goal or not. We may change our minds on goals or choose something new to work toward.  Since the principles never change, the change in goals won't matter because we've been moving in the right direction the entire time.

All three degrees of happiness are important, but the only way to enjoy pleasure without future regret is to make the pleasure match our values.  The only way to enjoy inner peace and building lasting happiness for ourselves and everyone around us is to make our values match universal principles.