Best Oil Change Ever

     After successfully completing many "fix-it" tasks I decided to do something I haven't done in about 10 years - change the oil.  I used to do it with my dad - and it was no big deal.

     I went to the store and bought an oil pan, the filter, 5 quarts of oil, and a funnel. I figured I was good to go. When I used to change it with my dad we also put a huge metal sheet under the oil pan to collect any oil that spilled, and coveralls for me so I wouldn't get dirty.
 
     I remembered that when I worked with dad we usually didn't spill any oil, and the precautions were unneeded.
 
     Yes you can feel free to laugh now.
 
     So - first thing I realized, obviously a mechanic with power tools changed the oil in the van last time, because I had to use a ridiculous amount of torque to get the oil plug loose. When it finally budged, I moved the oil pan underneath it. The plug was on the side of the oil pan, so I moved the oil pan so it would catch the oil if shot out up to 18 inches. I removed the plug the rest of the way, and watched the oil over shoot the pan by at least a foot. I slid the pan back to collect the oil, but I already had a pretty good puddle on the garage floor.
I let the oil drain for about 5 minutes, then put the plug back in and went to loosen the filter. Yeah - couldn't get that undone with a barehand.
 
     So I put on my leather gloves to get a better grip. As soon as the filter was loose hot oil came spilling out over my glove, and soaked through to my hand.  I knew taking the glove off or wiping off the oil would do no good because all the burning would be done before I could get the glove off - so I just let it burn...OUCH!
(I should let the car sit for more than 15 minutes next time before I change the oil.)

     Anyway, I gingerly removed the filter, and the rest of the oil change went pretty well.  New filter, 5 quarts of oil - and I was good to go.

     Now I needed to dispose of the used oil in the pan. I figured - pour it into the now empty oil containers form the 5 quarts I just put in.

First problem - the funnel tip barely fit into the quart containers I was trying to refill.
Second problem - The quart containers are skinny and tall, and empty, which makes them prone to tip over.

     So - I held the quart container between my feet, secured the funnel in place between my knees, and held an oil pan with 5 quarts of oil in my hands.

     The first quart - no problem
     Second quart- a few drops of oil splashed onto the floor.
     Third quart- I poured too much oil into the funnel at once and it suddenly stopped going down. As I crouched to see why, an air bubble from the quart container escaped up through the funnel and splashed oil up onto my face, glasses, etc...

     I was not amused
 
     Fourth quart - I was now perturbed and wanted to just get this job over with. I put the quart container between my feet, funnel between the knees, and began to pour the oil. I realized that all the remaining oil would fit in this container, and that I was almost done.  I began pouring faster as I was so anxious to be done.  I then remembered my error from last time - pouring too fast. I quickly stopped pouring and as I did my knees shifted. The funnel slipped off the container and began pouring oil all over my jeans and down my left leg. My instant reaction was to shift back right which then tipped the quart container over so it was pouring oil onto my right shoe.

     I still had the oil pan in my hands, so I could do nothing but stand there and let the oil soak into both feet, running down into my socks and beneath my heels.  I stood there with my eyes clenched shut using every Mormon curse word to describe how much I LOVE CHANGING THE OIL.

     After buying a bag of kitty litter (to soak up the oil), buying a new set of leather gloves, cleaning up myself and clothes with 1/2 a roll of paper towels, and showering, it turned out that I had spent 2 hours and $25 to change my oil by myself. Last time I checked it took 15 minutes at the shop and only cost $20.00.

     Yeah - We'll see if I ever change my oil again. Hope you all had a good laugh.